Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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