my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
