some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
