Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
