The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
