He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my liver is dry heaving
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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