I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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