i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
