I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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