Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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