Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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