Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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