Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
