How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
