Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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