Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
