We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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