Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
