Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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