Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm going to jail i love you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
