So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
