I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
