Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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