i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How's work?
Spinning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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