Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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