Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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