Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to have your abortion
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
