ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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