he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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