In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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