There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
