guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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