I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
