just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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