So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
