Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
