Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
