Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
