ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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