You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
