Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
