12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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