If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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