Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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