Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
