Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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