ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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