I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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