the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
