Yo dont text me then not text me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
