i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
