he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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