No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
