Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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