i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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