When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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