i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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