saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
