He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize