billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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