its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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