Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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