Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
