this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
