no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
