i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
