The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i need some magic done to my vagina
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
