he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
