I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
