Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
