All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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