I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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