I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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