Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
