I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
