I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
